OBACHAN'S SCRIBBLES

Hmm, I was under the impression (from my admittedly somewhat sketchy knowledge of Japanese culture) that it's appropriate to say no to the marriage, but that a person is somewhat obligated to turn up to the omiai, especially since the third party has gone to the trouble of arranging it for you.

It's perfectly okay to go into it in the firm knowledge that you don't want to get married. After all, you're just fulfilling your duty (as an employee, daughter, relative or so on) to the person who arranged the omiai. You get a good meal out of it and you might just meet someone surprisingly nice.

As an outsider to Japanese culture, though (and knowing that you seem to bristle under some of its restraints and preconceptions), I'm not going to say "heck, obachan, just go to the omiai". If you feel that strongly about not going, then you shouldn't let anyone sway you.

So I would choose option b) . If you're really against that, I would choose option c) as the most honest and straightforward way out. Though option d) made me laugh - very cute. =) 

Posted by Darkling

Not been of Japanese tradition, I would pick "c". Although, I'd hope my boss would asked me first if I'm interested in "omiai" before setting up one. 

Posted by lance

Hi Darkling and lance,
Sorry, my English is so terrible and I didn’t make it clear…In most cases, when someone asks you “Do you want to meet someone?” or “Are you interested in Omiai? My friend’s son is still single and he is looking for a wife…,” the meeting isn’t really arranged yet. The time and place isn’t set, and no restaurant reservation is made yet usually. But in some cases, when the go-between really wants to force someone to be in Omiai, all the arrangements are already perfectly made before the victim (sorry) is informed, so that (s)he can hardly say No.  

Posted by obachan

Obachan, your English is far from terrible. One of the reasons I like reading your posts so much is because you're clear, and often eloquent, in what you write. It's a rare thing on the Internet.

And you did say your boss wants 'to arrange' an omiai, not 'wants you to attend' an omiai that's already been set up, so it's probably a case of me not reading carefully enough.

So, if your boss is just asking if you're interested in having an omiai set up for you, then you should feel perfectly justified in going with c) . Unless you feel that it wouldn't be diplomatic to say such a thing to your boss. I guess it depends whether s/he is offering it as a suggestion or as something less optional... 

Posted by Darkling

Still I think my English isn’t really good enough to communicate things clear.

Anyway, I usually go with c), and this time I was a little surprised that people around here see it as rather impolite. It was a bit of culture shock to me, and that was kind of interesting, so I thought about posting it. That’s all.
I made up the quiz just for having fun. BTW, I thought e) was something you see often in TV drama or manga in Japan. I wonder how many people actually go for this in real life…  

Posted by obachan

I've seen native English speakers who don't express themselves as clearly as you do, obachan. I've never had to stop when reading your blogs and wonder what you meant.

I've also seen e)  in anime, though I've always thought it was a bit farfetched for real life. But I'm sure there are people who have tried it! 

Posted by Darkling

I have thought of (e) before, but never used it. As I thought, "what if that person knows someone I wanted to get to know and she tells that person that I have a girlfriend". That would be a bummer.....

I'm surprised majority of the people around you think (c) is impolite. I guess culture still plays a big role in this omiai thing. I figured you're been polite to that person and the other person should be polite/respectful to you as well.  

Posted by lance

B. It's more polite. Seeing as your boss has gone through all the trouble of setting up an omiai for you, you could at least meet the person and then decide whether or not you would like to date them (from what I've heard of omiai now a days, it's more like setting someone up for dating and then deciding whether or not you'd like to continue dating/get married).