Wednesday, February 23, 2005


OK, now I’m going to tell you something about Omiai that I didn’t mention in part 1.
To proceed with Omiai, something called tsurigaki has to be given to the go-between.

So what’s tsurigaki? It’s sort of like a resume but with more emphasis on, I think, the description of what kind of person (s)he is and what kind of family/relatives the person has, etc. Sometimes this is prepared by parents and already given to a go-between even before the person is asked if (s)he wants to have an Omiai meeting.

Typically, when you are asked if you want to have an Omiai, your parents or the go-between show you a big photo (beautifully taken and often modified to look better than what it actually is) of the prospective marriage partner and tell you something like “See? He graduated from famous University and now working at XXX company. His income is XXXXX! Don’t you think he’s great?! You just have to go for this marriage!” bla bla bla… And if you say YES, then the next step will be setting the date and time of the meeting. As I wrote in my comment, if your parents and/or go-between really want to force you to be in Omiai, all the arrangements may be already perfectly made before you are informed, so that you can hardly say No. when asked to attend the meeting.

Now, back to the Omiai Quiz in the part I.
Now you know that you’ll have to give your tsurigaki at some point to your boss (or a go-between if someone else was going to take care of the actual arrangements) if you want to have an Omiai meeting.
Which would you choose out of the a) – f)?
posted by obachan, 2/23/2005 11:07:00 AM


Hmmm. Okay, well, in this case, I think it depends on your relationship with your boss (presuming that s/he is the one who would like to arrange an omiai for you). Do you think it would damage your relationship/standing with your boss to refuse the omiai? Would your boss understand if you said, "I don't want to get married"?

(Again, I know from your other posts that Japanese society thinks women your age ought to be married, but it does  come down to what you want, as an individual - or at least, it should.)

Having to provide a tsurigaki makes the whole omiai process a lot more complicated and involved than just showing up to dinner to meet someone for a couple of hours (or however long the meeting generally takes). So I'm now more inclined to recommend c) .

I guess it would also be better to do that in the long run, than to take option b) and say, "No, I don't like this person". Because then your boss might think, "Well, Obachan didn't like that guy, but she might like someone else, if I can find another suitable candidate". Option c) sets it straight, right from the start.

Sorry if I seem to be wavering back and forth, but I think it really does depend on the particular subtleties of your situation. I hope this is of some kind of help... =) 

Posted by Darkling
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 2/23/2005 9:47 PM  
Sounds like a dating service with the tsurigaki involved. Well, I guess I shouldn't say dating service, but a "marriage service". I still believe in the honest approach..... #c..... if you really feel that way. But in your heart, if you would like to have someone special to share your life with and visa versa, you've got to take chances, as long as you're willing to take the responsibilities that come with that and have the option of saying "no thank you". Just one person's opinion.............. 

Posted by lance
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 2/24/2005 10:08 AM  
Thanks for your advice, Darkling and lance :D

I sort of expected that people from Western countries would mostly feel comfortable with option c).
I wonder why I don't hear from someone who likes option f) ;P  

Posted by obachan
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 2/24/2005 11:16 AM  
I think b) , c) and e) are the only 'realistic' options - the rest of them are the sort of things a grade schooler would do to get out of going to class. =)

Out of curiosity, obachan, which of the options do you prefer? From what you've said, I guess you think most Japanese people would choose b), at the very least? 

Posted by Darkling
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 2/24/2005 11:49 AM  
As I wrote in my previous comment, I usually go with option c). 

Posted by obachan
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 2/24/2005 9:04 PM  

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