Saturday, September 04, 2004


“It is never too late to learn.” “You are never too old to learn.” These are my favorite old sayings. Or more precisely, these are the words that I hang onto when the going gets tough. When I say that I’m enjoying my life, I really mean it. But anyone’s life has its ups and downs, you know, and I do sometimes feel uncertain, or lose confidence in what I’m doing.

My family members and relatives have never been happy with the choices I made, and they tried hard to convince me that I lack common sense. Though I never blindly followed the plans they made “for me & instead of me”, sometimes I can’t help seeing myself the same way as they do. Maybe, like they say, I’m a worthless and stupid woman because I’m not married, have no kids, and have started pursuing a new career path at the age of 40 when a good portion of my brain cells are probably about to retire from their work…..

Isn’t it hard to keep faith in yourself when people close to you --- people who you love ---- come to tell you that you’re wrong, and when all you’re doing at the moment is studying for a qualifying test or something, not earning decent amount of money yet? And isn’t it even harder when you fail the qualifying test?

I’m not sure why I’m not giving up. I’m also not sure if the coping strategies I have acquired are helping me or just keeping me from being on a “normal” track. All I know is that even though I lose confidence in myself from time to time, there always seems to be something that helps me keep going.

I talk with, eat with, drink with, or email my friends who support me. I go out in the nature and see trees and plants enjoying the sunshine. I do my laundry and see them drying in the sun and gentle breeze. I bake sweets using the recipes from my old friends, and enjoy the aroma from the oven. I practice some shots on a pool table and remember all those nice people who taught me how to play pool. I read books or watch films about someone who struggled hard and ended up being successful..... Those are not dramatic or expensive things to do, but after trying them out, I somehow manage to get my feet back on the ground.

There’s a Japanese woman who used to be married to a mafia boss, got divorced, then studied hard, and finally became a lawyer. I read about her somewhere. To me that is a living proof of “You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.” My challenge is not as brilliant as hers, but if I keep hanging on, doing my best, maybe that could touch the heart of someone who is also making a unique choice in life???

I often feel as if I’m in a spiral. Hope it’s an upward one.

Cutlass Fish Sushi

So, this is what I made today to brighten up a bit! “Cutlass fish sushi.” How does this look? The cutlass fish on top was marinated in vinegar overnight (maybe too long??) I put green perilla under the fish and sprinkled sesame seeds on top. Not too bad. Cutlass fish is 갈치 in Korean, by the way. See? I haven't given up learning Korean, either.
posted by obachan, 9/04/2004 11:41:00 PM


Sure, it's never too late. I don't tell you that you're wrong. Now I see rather well what a life you're living except for what you're studying besides Korean. Your essay is always well written, and it is my joy to read them. With such an ability, I believe, you should succeed in your study soon.

Thanks for pasting links to my websites. Possibly my age is close to your parents'.
commented by Blogger Tatsuo Tabata, 9/05/2004 8:37 AM  
P.S. You wrote in this blog just a reply to what I might have asked you if I knew your e-mail address. It's like that you got telepathy.
commented by Blogger Tatsuo Tabata, 9/05/2004 9:46 AM  
Thank you for the encouragement. But sorry, no ESP.
commented by Blogger obachan, 9/05/2004 6:08 PM  

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