OBACHAN'S SCRIBBLES

May 14th, 2007 -- 3rd day after the surgery (The day I left the hospital) --

How I slept on the last night at the hospital? Same as other nights. I woke up every few hours for no specific reason. Gee, didn’t I come here to get plenty of sleep to make up for the hectic and sleepless days before my hospital admission? Unfortunately, that plan didn’t work out. But one thing was achieved:
Pinoko was completely gone.

The nurse who came to check vitals that morning was the elder nurse who took care of me after the surgery. I was happy that I had a chance to say special thanks to her.

For breakfast, I ate the bread, bananas and yogurt left from the previous night. No cold sweat over miso soup any more! ;b

Before I left the hospital, my doc explained how the operation went and gave instructions for my post-op recovery at home. He said that they saved apx. 1/3 of my right overly. According to him, what was left was so small and thin, thus it might have not made much difference. But still I was so happy that they didn’t remove the whole right ovary. Though I knew that hormone balance would be OK and pregnancy was possible with only one ovary, I felt, “The more the safer.” And he showed me a photo of the removed cyst and gave me one copy as I had requested. The cyst in the photo looked fresher(!) than mom had told me, and for some reason, it didn’t look gross to me-- maybe because it was something I had been carrying in my own body for years?

And the handout about the care at home said that it would take approximately 1 month to get back to the way I was before the surgery. It also said when I could start various activities, such as:
- Returning to work: apx. 1 month after surgery
- Driving a car: apx. 1 week after
- Riding motorbike/bicycle: apx. 1 week after
- Light house chores: apx. 3 days after
- Short trip: apx. 1 month after

Maybe the “apx. 1 month” for “returning to work” was the safest guideline for a physically demanding full time job? The doctor didn’t say I had to wait that long to go back to a few hours of desk work.

Around 10:30 am, my bill was brought to my room in the inpatient ward. I paid it at the casher downstairs, and asked them to issue an official document for the insurance (fee: 3500 yen). FYI, the total expense of my hospital stay and the surgery (incl. the additional expense for a private room and hospital pajamas) was 151,515 yen (US$ 1245.82). I’m supposed to get reimbursed after I submit the official document from the hospital to the private insurance company, which should take a few weeks.

I went back to the inpatient ward and gave the receipt to a nurse at the nurses’ station. She cut my wrist band off there and I was officially “discharged.” So, this is it… This is the end of my very first hospital stay. Gosh, it was so quick… Everything went so quick. When I told her that we were leaving, she asked me to wait. Soon she came back with the head nurse and the nurse who was in charge of me and they saw us off, which I thought was very nice. Honestly, I was soooooo happy to leave that place, but it was sad to say good-bye to those people. They told me to take it easy at home for a while and I said yes.

BTW, I was glad that I had brought a pair of comfortable jersey pants for that day. I tried on the jeans first but it felt too tight and the button was too close to the incision below the belly button.

Mom and I took a taxi from the hospital to my apartment. Oh, I can never forget the sense of relief I felt the moment I entered my room. It was amazing. When I sat on the tatami floor and saw the familiar things in my room -- the bed, the curtain, TV, bookshelf, closet, etc. – I felt as if they were actually giving me a big, gentle hug!

And as I wrote here on my foodblog, mom and I tried a kamameshi delivery. How wonderful it was to be able to “enjoy” eating instead of forcing myself to eat! Then I took a shower while mom was still there, just in case I might feel dizzy in the shower. Fortunately I didn’t have any problem.

Later in the afternoon… I know this probably sounds awful, but I felt truly relieved when mom finally left for home to leave me completely alone in my room. My honest feeling was, “Thank goodness! No need to respond to anyone any more!” Then for the first time, I realized how tensed I had been until then from the time I was hospitalized… no, maybe from the time I was told that my dermoid cyst was 5 cm in size. Honestly, I had never been happier to be alone, but felt guilty about feeling that way, and at the same time terribly sad, missing those people who took care of me – who actually shared the most intense part of my Pinoko-related experience! It was such a complicated feeling, and I couldn’t help crying for good five minutes sitting on the bed, not knowing how else to deal with such mixed emotions.


To be cont’d…


5月14日（術後3日目・退院日）

入 院最後の夜も、他の夜と同じでした。特に理由もないのに2,3時間ごとに目が覚める。もぉ、入院前の忙しい寝不足の日々の埋め合わせに、タップリ寝るため にここに来たんとちゃうの？残念ながら、そうはいきませんでした。でもここで達成されたことが一つ：ピノコは完全にいなくなりました。

その朝血圧計りに来てくれたのは、手術の後で面倒見てくれた看護師さんで、あの時のお礼を言うことができました。

退 院する前に主治医のセンセから、手術がどうだったかの説明と、退院後の生活についての指導。右卵巣の1/3くらいを残してくれたそうです。その残った分は 小さくてペラペラで、残さなくてもあんまり大きな違いはなかったかも、だそうでしたが、私は残してもらえてうれしかった。卵巣は1個あれば、ホルモンバラ ンスも大丈夫で妊娠も可能、とは知ってましたけど、なんか「多く残ってりゃそれだけ安心」って気がして。そして嚢腫の写真を見せてもらって、前にお願いし てたように複製1枚もらいました。写真の嚢腫は母が言ったのよりずっとピチピチ(!)してて、なぜかあまり気色悪く感じられなかったです。自分の身体の中 に何年も持ち続けてたものだからでしょうかね。

退院後の生活についてのプリントには、入院前の生活に戻る目安は1ヶ月です、って書いてました。他にも、いろんなことを始めていいのはいつごろか書いてあって：
－ お勤め：　手術後1ヶ月を目安に
－　車の運転：　〃　1週間を目安に
－ バイク、自転車：〃　1週間を目安に
－ 軽い家事：　〃　3日を目安に
－ 近場への旅行：　〃　1ヶ月を目安に
などなど。
たぶんこの、お勤めに戻るのに術後1ヶ月を目安、っていうのは、キツいフルタイムの仕事に戻る場合でもこのくらい、という安全策じゃないかと。数時間のデスクワークに戻るのには、これ程待たないといけないとはセンセおっしゃいませんでした。

10： 30 amごろ、事務の人が部屋に請求書を持ってきてくれました。１階で会計を済ませて、保険のための書類の発行を依頼（この発行に3,500円かかる）。ちな みに、入院費・手術代と個室に変えた分の差額と貸しパジャマの代金、全部含めて151,515円。病院から発行してもらう書類を保険会社に送ってから払い 戻しがあるはずだけど、まあ2,3週間かかるみたいです。

病棟に戻って、ナースステーションの看護師さんに領収書を渡すと、私のリストバ ンドをはさみで切ってくれて、これで正式に『退院』。これで私の人生最初の入院が終わりかぁ…。早かったなぁ何もかもが。その看護師さんにもう帰ると言っ たら、ちょっと待ってと言われて、病棟の師長さんと担当の看護師さんを呼んできてくれて皆で見送ってくれました。ありがたいことです。病院を出るのはすっ ごくうれしかったけど、スタッフの人と別れるのはさみしかった。皆、家ではゆっくりするようにと言ってくれ、はいと答えて病院を出ました。

ところで、この日のためにゆったりしたジャージの下を持ってきたのは正解でした。最初ジーンズを履いてみたけど、キツかったしボタンがちょうどおへその下の傷のところに来たんで。

母 と私は病院からタクシーで私のアパートに直行。もうこの、自分の部屋に足を踏み入れた時のこの安心感、忘れられませんねホントに。自分の部屋の畳に座っ て、見慣れたベッドとか、カーテンとかテレビとか本棚、押入れ...と見てたら、それらが私を優しくハグしてくれてるみたいな気がして。

そ れから、食べ物ブログの方に書いたように、母と二人で釜飯の宅配を頼んでみました。必死で努力して食べるんじゃなくて、食べるのを「楽しむ」って素晴らし いぞぉぉぉ！それから母がいるうちにシャワー（万一シャワー中に気分が悪くなった時の用心に）。幸い問題なかったです。

午 後遅くなっ て…。ヒドいこと言うようですが、母が家に帰って私一人になったとき、もう心底ホッとしました。正直なところ、「ああもうこれで誰にも返事しなくてい い！」って。そこで初めて気づいたんです。自分がそれまでどれほど気が張り詰めてたか。入院した時から…いや、たぶん、嚢腫が5センチだと言われたその時 からずっと。もぉホント正直、一人になれてこれっっっ程うれしかったことはなかった、けど、そんなふうに感じる自分に罪悪感あって、それに病院のスタッフ の人たちと離れたのはさびしくて――　なにせ私のピノコ体験の一番濃いぃ部分を共有してくれた人たちですもん。もう気分はメタメタ。他に気持ちの持って行 きようがなくって、ベッドに座って5分ぐらい泣いてしまいました。

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Categories: Dermoid