OBACHAN'S SCRIBBLES

Sunday, January 14, 2007

MY PINOKO DOESN'T SPEAK - PART 4 -

It was that night that I started a frantic net search on ovarian cysts. What do people usually do with a 5 cm cyst?! According to the websites I consulted, the rule of thumb at most Japanese hospitals seemed to be “surgery for cysts 6 cm or more in size.” But does that mean a 5 cm cyst will never cause torsion of the ovary? Of course, you cannot find a guarantee like that anywhere.

But when I googled specifically with “dermoid cysts” in Japanese, I found that many Japanese women did have surgery when their cysts were 5 cm in size. And as I learned more about that particular type of benign tumor, thanks to websites like this, it made sense to me. Other cysts that contain fluids may sometimes shrink or even disappear. But dermoids containing things like teeth or hair do not; they keep growing steadily. No medication works and removal is the treatment of choice -- it has to be removed someday anyway. And perhaps because its content is more substantial, the risk of ovarian torsion seems to be higher with dermoid than with other cysts. Then what’s the point in waiting for a 5 cm dermoid to grow to be 6 cm? Isn’t that just giving it more chance to cause torsion? And maybe surgery would be easier with a smaller cyst?

So I decided to ask the doctor to remove my cyst when my work is not too busy, even though mine is smaller than 6 cm. What I want LEAST is ovarian torsion unexpectedly causing me to be absent from work longer for a bigger surgery.

That decision made me feel at ease. But now I want more and more practical information about the procedure of the surgery, cost and how soon I can go back to my work. I’m still net surfing every day for the info. When my turn comes, I’ll make sure to share such information. Hope someone finds it helpful ;)

…. When I first heard that my cyst may contain hair or teeth or bone, it sounded nothing but gross. I felt disgusted as if my body went crazy and produced an alien. But as I learned why a dermoid can develop in the ovary, I felt differently… You know what? I felt somewhat guilty. Guilty for not giving my body a chance to create a new life… a baby, because I felt as if my body was telling me, by producing such small body parts, how much it wanted to give birth to a new life. I know this sounds irrational, and I’m not ashamed of me being single, but I couldn’t ignore this slight guilt feeling. I had a couple cans of beer in front of my laptop that night.

To be cont’d


その晩から、卵巣嚢腫について ネットで必死のリサーチ。5cmの嚢腫が見つかった時って、みんな普通どうするの?!いくつかサイトを見たところ、どうも日本 の病院では、「6cm以上だと手術」というのがだいたいの方針らしい。じゃあ5cmの嚢腫では茎捻転は起こらないってことですか絶対ですか?!もちろんそ んな保障なんてどこにもないやろなぁ、絶対なんてことは。

でも、「皮様嚢腫」に特定してググってみたら、5cmで切除手術してる人がけっ こ う見つかりました。このタイプの嚢腫についてもっと詳しく知ると、それもうなずける・・・。中身が液体のタイプの他の嚢腫は、縮んだりひとりでに消えたり することもある。でも中に歯だの髪の毛だの入っているデルモイドは、そうならない。着実に育ち続ける。薬も利かないし、まあ出来てしまったら、いつかは切 除するしかないというモノ。そして多分、中に液体よりもっとシッカリしたものが入ってるせいなのか、茎捻転はこの嚢腫でおこることが多いとか。とし たら、すでに5cmのデルモイドが6cmになるまで待つことに、大して意味ないのでは?ただ捻転の起こるチャンスをより与えるだけとちゃうの?いっそかえって小さいほうが、手術もそれだけ楽なのでは?

と いうことで、私は、6cmになってないけど、私の仕事の忙しくないときにもう切除しちゃって下さい、と先生にたのむことにしました。万一茎捻転になって、 思いがけない時に、より大きい手術のためにより長期仕事から離れるはめになったら、それが何より一番困ることなので。

決 心したら、気が楽になりました。でもそうなると、今度は、手術と、その費用と、術後どのくらいで仕事に戻れるのか、とかいう、実際的なことについて調べな ければ。で、今もネットサーチの毎日です。自分の番が来たら、そういう情報をかならず書き留めていきますね。どなたかのお役にたてれば。

にしても…
最初に、自分の嚢腫には髪の毛とか歯とか骨とかが入ってるかもしれないと言われたときは、気持ち悪いのヒトコトでした。自分の身体はどこか狂って、エイリア ンを産み出したのか、みたいに気色わるい思い。でも、このサイト(注: このサイトの成熟奇形腫とは皮様嚢腫のこと)でなぜ卵巣にデルモイドができるのか少しわかったら、気持ちが変わりました。ちょっと罪悪感を感じたんで す。自分の身体に、赤ちゃんを産むというチャンスを与えてないことに対して。こんな、小さい身体のパーツ(毛とか歯とか)を作ってしまうことで、私の身体 が、こんなにも新しい命を生み出す仕事をしたいんだぞと訴えてるような気がして。アホな考え方です。それに私、独身でいることを恥じてもないです。けどこ のチョットした罪悪感は、やっぱ無視できませんでした。その晩は、ラップトップの前で、缶ビール2本ぐらい空けちゃいました。

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posted by obachan, 1/14/2007 02:14:00 PM

5 Comments:

Oh, Obachan! I hope you feel better soon.
commented by Blogger C(h)ristine, 1/14/2007 3:22 PM  
I don't think your feelings are irrational at all. I wish I could be more comforting, this had to be a very scary thing to go through when your body is doing something that is beyond your control. At least when you are having a child, you've done something you know could produce a child (whether you wanted a child or not). This is your body sort of taking over, nothing you did wrong, nothing could have prevented it, you must have felt rather helpless.

I know you said you were writing in Japanese because there wasn't a lot on the subject in Japanese, but I appreciate it as well because I am trying to teach myself Japanese (and after a year am still floundering, it's embarrasing) so it helps to compare what you have written in English and then in Japanese and see what I understand (about 10%, if that)
commented by Blogger Donna, 1/14/2007 5:17 PM  
c(h)ristine
Thank you. My post here is about how I was feeling at the end of last year, and I’m feeling much better now in Jan. 2007.

donna
Oh, how sweet of you. I really appreciate your kind comment. Thanks.
But PLEASE don’t try to learn Japanese from what I write here LOL
No, I’m serious. My Japanese here is the mixture of slang, dialect and sometimes those notorious 2 channel expressions. And sometimes it's slightly different from what's written in English -- I didn't really "translate" the English part into Japanese. So… I’m warning you. Seriously.

I think there is quite a bit of information on this subject already in Japanese cyberspace, actually. I just thought adding a little more to the info. from my experience wouldn’t hurt. You know, it’s like returning the favor I got. Other people’s blogs have been helping me a lot, so I wanted to do the same to someone who may be desperately wondering around in the cyberspace now, because I know how it feels.
commented by Blogger obachan, 1/15/2007 4:15 PM  
Dear Obachan

I wish there is something I can do to comforts you... I hope you are not trying find reasonable explaination for the cyst and blaming all to yourself. It's nobody's fault and thinking you are reponsible is giving yourself a heavy burden.

Many years ago my family member told me I was responsible for my mom's sickness and to this day I still carry the burden. Please don't do this yourself:(
commented by Anonymous ireney, 1/16/2007 5:19 PM  
Thank you, Ireney.
No, I'm not blaming myself, since now I know more about the cyst.
Thank you for your concern, and hope you can get the burden off your shoulders, too. *HUG*
commented by Blogger obachan, 1/17/2007 10:20 AM  

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